12-30-2012, 09:16 AM
I really liked the opening line of this, it set the scene and drew me in immediately - and the conversational tone of the rest of the first stanza was a great follow-on.
Although, did you mean "out of smokes" plural? The plural makes me think of cigarettes, whereas just "out of smoke" doesn't make sense to me (I could just be not understanding it though!).
I don't think the "howsoever" is necessary in the second line of the second stanza - but I do like the "almost" in parentheses, it works really well as an aside
The end of this is a little disappointing (not in style, don't get me wrong) - I wanted the brave little dog to go home with the person in your poem!
Overall, this is a nice piece, the interaction between the dogs made it interesting
Although, did you mean "out of smokes" plural? The plural makes me think of cigarettes, whereas just "out of smoke" doesn't make sense to me (I could just be not understanding it though!).
I don't think the "howsoever" is necessary in the second line of the second stanza - but I do like the "almost" in parentheses, it works really well as an aside
The end of this is a little disappointing (not in style, don't get me wrong) - I wanted the brave little dog to go home with the person in your poem!
Overall, this is a nice piece, the interaction between the dogs made it interesting