Addiction

[Keith]

Hi, I've written a poem in syllabic verse and wondered how I could make it better. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thank you.

Addiction
 
You are my sordid, perfect secret, do you need You are the my tells itYou are my hero, my heroin; same here
I crave you more than a thousand pills; could try to shorten this to smooth it out
Your body against mine-ecstasy, against feels clunky could be bodies burnt by ecstacy or something like that
Like the needle that pierces my skin;
Coke me up baby, then let me down. Coke me up sounds corny to me
Let me get high on this endless lust,
Love is for others, we cannot be. I really like this lineI try to hallucinate a life
Of pure, wholesome domesticity;
But you see, those dreams are too fleeting;
Reality aches like the morning,
Of blue bruises and shadows of joy;
Would legality crush our passion?
We thrive on the rush that floods our veins, nice image
Forbidden alleys that deal deceit; and again
No one has guessed and no one can know;
You and me and Charlie rule this world. not sure this line is needed
You are my snow fall, my knight gone wrong;this tells it
I am on a pathway to the sky;
Tell me you love me and I might die. nice end line

This has a solid base and is a good poem and with a little work could be a great one, what I've written is just my opinion and I have to do lots of work to most of my own posts so take from it what you want and ditch the rest. Hope it helps

Sorry, also ment to say 9 feels too long as some of the lines are padded out with filling to reach the count so when I suggested shorter lines thats what I ment, reduce the count. Hope thats clear
TOMH