Lisa

[tectak]

Can I pre-empt my crit? I have a limited ability, and an even less desire, to interpret the peregrinations of the disconnected PERSONAL thought of posters who by their very audacity (in as good a way as you care to understand this word) wish for no criticism. OK.....once that is clear I find myself in a dilemma.......you see, the merit in this sort of piece is that it exudes something from the writer......rage, sadness, bitternes, hopelessness etc but what it does not do is CREATE anything which can be evaluated by a third person. I should now say I give up and shut up....,.but that is not constructive in any way. So....I have read the words. They mean nothing to me....why should they? They are the random thoughts of a writer who by deliberately NOT making any attempt to poeticise the work loses the right to be criticised in any framework I am aware of......and that is unarguably the intention of the writer. So be it....it is a nice list. Use the backbone which you have created with your words and write a poem around it. Flesh it out. Give me information. Show me images. Make me believe. Write me a poem. How hard can it be?
Best,
tectak

I could take, like you said a list, and then form more detailed scenes with imagery around each, or try.

First in this revision i have broken it up and added more punctuation so that when read it has the speed, starts, and stops i feel it should be read in, or close to it.

To expand on it, or totally rewrite it will take me a little longer, and since i have nothing but time i will do it. There is little else i feel as stongly about, since love, or a form of love is tied into this more than many other...Tragedies i have been involved in.

Good.
tectak