The Missus is on my Back.

[billy]

hi pete, i missed this one.

i really like the original. it feels like parents or grandparents.

Children, playing pirates
ride on my feet. Their i think parts of this could be worked into the original (does it need 'on') i do like the term ankle biters.

and they're giggling grins
are as wide as verity.is they're needed? the first part could be fitted in well

gnarled, spirit hands
of my mother and father works

while i prefer the original, i think you could better utilise some the edit to make the original better.