Lisa

[billy]

hi smakpopy,

i don't see any effort as mediocre. to be honest i didn't see it as well crafted as it could have been, but i see lots of poems that way .

you wrote in reply;

I had not intended to revise or edit it in any way, but i could add a comma at the end of any line i would like a reader to pause slightly when reading aloud or in their head.

which makes me question moving it back to serious. mainly the feedback forums are there for us to hone the poem into the best it can be. what you describe is called showcasing. if you want to just know if it's good or bad and nothing else. then one of the non feedback forums might be better.

i will put the poem back in serious as you request in the hope you do do an edit and try to improve the poem

the name thing; even if you tell us it's a real person, i won't believe you unless it's believable, ***** doesn't make me believe it, it doesn't make thing you're trying to keep someone's anonymity either. and i'm sure if she was real and read the poem she'd know it was about her. what i'm saying is subtlety often makes it easier for a reader to believe the words or absence of them. if you use ***** as a stand in last name, why not *****/***** for the whole name. in general we don't need a poet to defend their work. usually poetry like anything creative is indefensible