Midnight Sun

[Rose Love]

Greetings and Merry Christmas! This be my first time on this forum. Reason why I joined is rather simple. When I was a kid I used to write poems, and later in life at school I was told to have an interesting imagination. I've never really cared much of what was said but finally few days ago I decided to give it another go. Last time I sat down to read poems was when I was 10-11ish. I am not an active reader/writer so please criticize my poems in an understandable way for me due to my lack of knowledge/skill. Also keep in mind that English is not my native language. I've learned it from school, tv and the internet. Here goes!

Midnight Sun

It's dark, It's cold, forever more
I'm sitting here, looking at the door
I wonder when, I wonder how
My heart in sorrow as I sit right now.

Memories glance upon my eyes
Tormenting my soul with many lies
They trick me with their sweet disguise
My mind is taken, in despair it lies.

The days pass, nights as well
I'm hopeless and it hurts like hell
I wish it'd stop, this pain of mine
So the sun once more, on my soul shall shine.

It's hard to think, it's hard to know
What I should do, for I love you so
The more I try, the more I hurt
My knees so weak, I hit the dirt.

The darkness scatters my thoughts away
I kneel and close my eyes to pray
That your smile will find its way
And turn this gruesome darkness into day.

As I open my eyes I look around
I see a shadow, I hear a sound
In despair my mind is drowned
I close my eyes and turn around.

I'll stand my ground, I will not run
As my end approaches, my soul undone
I mumble a prayer, not two but one
That you should be my midnight sun.

Unlike my predecessors on this thread, I think this is a very good sample for a first poem. As someone who has written poetry, among other things, in a couple of different languages, I find much of the preceding feedback to be too advanced for someone just starting out and writing in a foreign language.

For the record, the concept of cliché is the biggest cliché on this website .

As a beginner, I think it's good to start with a simple subject which is common and cliché. As for the actual meaning of the lines and how you have expressed yourself, this is something which I think only comes with maturity and practice as a writer.

Anyway, I think it's good that you kept a good rhythm and rhyme going through it. The type of things you can think of at your stage of development would be, for example, to get more variety in the sounds you rhyme. You used several of the same sounds and even the same words in some of the lines. As a general rule, it's good to avoid using the same rhyme sound, and absolutely never the same word, unless you do it deliberately as part of the expression of the poem.

Also, in the first stanza, I think it's either a grammatical error or a typo, but I think "My heart's in sorrow" is what it ought to read.

Hopefully you didn't get discouraged by some of the feedback...There should be a distinction between "serious critique" and critique too advanced for the poet in question. Or perhaps posting in the "novice" section would have been better? People tend to be less harsh in that section.