12-27-2012, 12:26 AM
Re:panda poem.
I felt that your poem has a lot promise that some how did not quite come through in this draft and that with only a small amount of (extra) tweeking you could perhaps draw out a meatier version of this, that i felt was in your mind when you wrote this, but it perhaps got left behind in the need to keep the rhyme going.
I agree with arbil_poieo that the first two stanza were stronger than the last and so I would suggest looking at the last section first in any edits.
I liked the strength of feeling for the subject, which came though well and then again the frustration of the medium when filtered through personal perspective, as presented through a painter's eyes. It added depth and interest to the read.
I felt that your poem has a lot promise that some how did not quite come through in this draft and that with only a small amount of (extra) tweeking you could perhaps draw out a meatier version of this, that i felt was in your mind when you wrote this, but it perhaps got left behind in the need to keep the rhyme going.
I agree with arbil_poieo that the first two stanza were stronger than the last and so I would suggest looking at the last section first in any edits.
I liked the strength of feeling for the subject, which came though well and then again the frustration of the medium when filtered through personal perspective, as presented through a painter's eyes. It added depth and interest to the read.