12-25-2012, 03:13 AM
(12-24-2012, 11:37 AM)travelpoet234 Wrote: it helps a lot thank you so much for your opinion i will go over it deconstruct and rewrite it again and again keep your eyes peeled for the next edit id love to have your input through out on this piece.Okay, I'm looking forward to it. If you need any help just let me know...I'm not an expert by no means just a fresh pair of eyes and a different perspective.
I think if you give the aftermath of the end it should work. Just giving it a clear voice and extending the whirlwind emotion could go a long way with this.