12-24-2012, 07:45 PM
i think the first part of this is really really good...but do agree with arbil that the last line is weak an not needed
but then i have the same crit for the 2nd part..imo the word 'goodbye' is powerful enough to leave it there as the end. to carry on after that word i reckon weakens the ending
that said i do like the way this is going "Helping prevent innocence from dissipating,
diserting dying." love that line
but then i have the same crit for the 2nd part..imo the word 'goodbye' is powerful enough to leave it there as the end. to carry on after that word i reckon weakens the ending
that said i do like the way this is going "Helping prevent innocence from dissipating,
diserting dying." love that line