12-23-2012, 05:08 PM
I think it just needs a strong image to show an ending to something that wasn't meant to be in the first place. I think the emotions are in the right place with this and it does follow the same tone as the first half it just adds another side or another part to the unfolding story. It's good and interesting, all it needs is some images so readers can feel the emotions the narrator feels or sees what the narrator sees. It's all about showing and not telling. Show the readers the conflict, the love, the ending. Describe the kiss, the innocence. I hope this helps.