12-23-2012, 02:14 PM
Welcome travelpoet234
Just a suggestion before I critique the poem...your title A Stolen Kiss (from me to you) I like From Me to You because it's an attention grabber, just a thought.
This struck me as sweet with struggle. I like your first line, it sets up the rest of the poem with a thoughtful image. I also enjoyed sparks arc, a good description to show passion.
I think you could do without the last line, it's not strong enough to be a one-liner, while."in a love that is not fair" has that same message but stronger. "Darting eyes caress the air" is a lovely image but I think you could play with it a little and expand on it as well as "eyes flicker with heat"
Overall, this was beautiful with a lot of potential to play around with and experiment with.
Just a suggestion before I critique the poem...your title A Stolen Kiss (from me to you) I like From Me to You because it's an attention grabber, just a thought.
This struck me as sweet with struggle. I like your first line, it sets up the rest of the poem with a thoughtful image. I also enjoyed sparks arc, a good description to show passion.
I think you could do without the last line, it's not strong enough to be a one-liner, while."in a love that is not fair" has that same message but stronger. "Darting eyes caress the air" is a lovely image but I think you could play with it a little and expand on it as well as "eyes flicker with heat"
Overall, this was beautiful with a lot of potential to play around with and experiment with.