12-23-2012, 01:57 AM
Welcome!
My interpretation was that two people want to kill themselves, the girl wants to because of her past and the guy wants to for her...to be with her forever.
I think you've captured the feelings really well, while still keeping the reader interested to want to know what's going to happen next as the narrator lays out this story.
There are some lines that are cliches such has line 6 and 7 and reusing "forever" while that's a nice thought, it doesn't do much for the reader. Some lines say pretty much the same thing, like the last 2 stanzas I don't think they're necessary.
I think the 6th stanza is your strongest because it's original and it says so much with so little. It shows the reader the love instead of telling with cliches.
This is very promising.
My interpretation was that two people want to kill themselves, the girl wants to because of her past and the guy wants to for her...to be with her forever.
I think you've captured the feelings really well, while still keeping the reader interested to want to know what's going to happen next as the narrator lays out this story.
There are some lines that are cliches such has line 6 and 7 and reusing "forever" while that's a nice thought, it doesn't do much for the reader. Some lines say pretty much the same thing, like the last 2 stanzas I don't think they're necessary.
I think the 6th stanza is your strongest because it's original and it says so much with so little. It shows the reader the love instead of telling with cliches.
This is very promising.