American Dream

[tectak]

A big departure from The Tear I would say keep OFF the scotch.

Aw, shucks. Them Americans loved it so it must be good

This one is consigned to the bin. Sorry all, it was written before my tipple!

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I'm impressed... by the dignity of your response to a blunt yet honest critique! It's a brave thing to write a poem like this when the wounds are still raw. They have to be faultless to work which is a bit of a problem for me so I'm never likely to write one. It seems presumptuous to speculate on the presence of hallucinatory voices, even tho it's actually quite well done. One image jolted me - "three eyes" (one representing a bullet hole) yet it's followed by the mention of two thuds suggesting two shots, of course one may have missed but it feels an unnecessary inconsistency!
I'm certain there is a more terse, poem in there somewhere.

Thanks for comforting me! See my reply to billy. I got the two shots from my American informant who said that one shot missed. All heresay and must not be assumed to.be connected to any event or persons alive or dead.
I would not be normally ( or subsequently!) be tempted into this genre. a) because I cannot do it and b) because no one else can.
I am not saving this piece but would not ask Billy to withdraw it as humility is best when remembered. Hmmmm. I just made that up ......but I like it. Must go....I feel a masterpiece coming on.
Thanks for reading...you will feel better soon. Drink plenty of water.
Best,
tectak