Burn With Me

[tectak]

Okay I don't write poetry a lot so just prepare yourself it's pretty rough. I know the words and flow won't be right, I just hope to convey the overall vibe of this human's condition.


I could love you, I don't but I could

and not "Oh, that top looks lovely on you" love.

But, love.

Deep, unending, burning, love that hurts when we're not together, love that burns, burns with ecstasy when my legs are wrapped around your naked waist, the hard puff of your breath against my neck, your kisses hot against my flaming skin, hot-hot-hot pulsing, throbbing, burning, twisting, changing love

Love that burns with lust, like gasoline added to a fire, even when we're old and wrinkly and no one wants to see that shit, love and lust.

Lust, lust, and laughing because I think you're brilliant and I'm unlike any girl you've met. I'm silly and dark and deep and mysterious and loud. Loud when we fight, and loud when we make up...

Do you see it? I can see me walking around our flat, swaddled in a sheet, hobbled, each step a little painful from too much sex.

A little painful step each time I have to walk away from you and this could be love.

Hurt, hurt, hurt the kind of hurt from someone too good for you passing by, not noticing you.

Hurt that doesn't stab or throb, dull aching, burning hurt.

Hurt that aches in your bones and throbs in your heart and maybe a little somewhere else secret and unspoken.

I could love you, I don't but I could. I could hold you and never wish for anything more. I could hold you.

I could sing you love songs, I do. You don't know and that sounds creepy. It's innocent.

I wishful makeup hoping that you'll see me. Not notice me, but see me, see my love, my burning love, you could burn with me, burn with me.

Burn with me for just a little while. You'll be hooked. I'll be your drug, your drug of life and music. Let me be your muse.

Yu could love me, you don't but you could. Burning love, dee I p, unending, aching

Ache, ache, can you feel my ache? My longing?

I could love you, I don't but I could and oh, wouldn't just I be worth it?

.

Burst verse. You just couldn't help it. If you feel this coming on again just sit down if you can ( usually sitting down is the problem after too much sex. and think about wether you want to write or you want to write poetry. If you just want to write then write but don't post it here. If you want to write poetry then be prepared for help.
This piece suffers mostly from lack of originality. I don't know your age but nor can I tell it from the piece. This is problematic but only because I am unsure that allowances should be made. We don't get to know the character from the piece because the pressure to get down the words irresistable. You have something to say but not transmit and I think you could make a much better job of it by shortening the piece and going for originality. I wish you every success in your sex life and your poetry.......but believe you can improve your poetry.
Best,
tectak