12-22-2012, 07:11 AM
Spectacular intro. The poem's content is fantastic, I really enjoyed it. The end was a bit of an anticlimax though.
I'll have a bit of a think about it before giving more pointed critique, but in the meantime I might comment that although I throughly enjoyed the poem, it seemed fairly inconsistant (but it could just be that I dont see the structural logic, being new to this poetry business myself). Each stanza or group of a couple of stanzas had their own distinct flavour, and the punctuation lines (which were great by the way) came at seemingly random and sporadic times. maybe if the content was more carefully arranged the arrangement itself would give even more weight to the poem.
Cheers for the thought massage!
Ben
I'll have a bit of a think about it before giving more pointed critique, but in the meantime I might comment that although I throughly enjoyed the poem, it seemed fairly inconsistant (but it could just be that I dont see the structural logic, being new to this poetry business myself). Each stanza or group of a couple of stanzas had their own distinct flavour, and the punctuation lines (which were great by the way) came at seemingly random and sporadic times. maybe if the content was more carefully arranged the arrangement itself would give even more weight to the poem.
Cheers for the thought massage!
Ben
If something happens and you can remedy it, Why worry?
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?
www.benjack.co.nz
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?
www.benjack.co.nz