12-21-2012, 09:42 AM
I enjoy the connection between stars with wind and cars with vultures, it's original. To me the vultures dont represent the fear, it represents the irrationality and enhances it for the reader to understand the person's irrational thinking better at least that's what I got from it. My only critique would be line 3, I think you can either describe the slow heartbeats for the sake of keeping it or just leave it out altogether because it isn't that necessary. I have another thought, it's mostly my preference...when starting a new line and capitalizing the first letter after ending the previous one with a comma, I don't know why but it throws me off, it might just be me. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this.