12-21-2012, 09:10 AM
a shotgun with a full metal jacket 
in parts i thought it was a sex poem.
willingly careless I shoot
wildly from the hip ..
gun being metaphor for penis.
after the last line the thought in my mind was "should have had a viagra"
the problem i had was, it felt like it could have been either type of poem yet it wasn't strong enough as any one type could/should have been. some of the innuendo felt weak in that they felt too obvious. which in turn makes them fail as non innuendo for seeing being seen as such.
Luckily for me -
I'm armed to the fucking teeth..
with the hammer already pulled back
on a shotgun tongue -
i slowly raise my weapon
and begin to salivate
as i gaze down
the iron sights of desire
the above feels sooo cheesy yet at the same time feels a bit odd. what's a shot gun tongue, if you mean cock then what's the hammer. if you don't mean cock what's the tongue?
i wish i could be of more help or less negative.
in parts i thought it was a sex poem.
willingly careless I shoot
wildly from the hip ..
gun being metaphor for penis.
after the last line the thought in my mind was "should have had a viagra"
the problem i had was, it felt like it could have been either type of poem yet it wasn't strong enough as any one type could/should have been. some of the innuendo felt weak in that they felt too obvious. which in turn makes them fail as non innuendo for seeing being seen as such.
Luckily for me -
I'm armed to the fucking teeth..
with the hammer already pulled back
on a shotgun tongue -
i slowly raise my weapon
and begin to salivate
as i gaze down
the iron sights of desire
the above feels sooo cheesy yet at the same time feels a bit odd. what's a shot gun tongue, if you mean cock then what's the hammer. if you don't mean cock what's the tongue?
i wish i could be of more help or less negative.