American Dream

[tectak]

i have to say, and i do so with a heavy heart this is not your finest hour.
i think i'd expect this type or , or should i say a poem written this way, from a novice poet or someone new to poetry. it actually feels a bit like a mockery. that's the main reason it fails for me, it's a bit like davinci doing the artwork for dilbert. though da vinci none of us are. it's lacks image and is heavy with an almost fatuous repetition of some words. i've yet to see a well done poem about specific acts of violence. i don't think they can compare to the actuality of it. war on the other hand as bloody as it gets is often told well in a poem because it's impersonal. while it's not rubbish, your narrative is very weak.
thanks for the read as always.

I deserved this billy. The thing was going to be an adaptation from an earlier piece written by a cousin of mine who has found god in America. We don't communicate any more but she sent a bloody awful poem to me after the recent gun-fest tragedy over the pond. I sent this one back and MADE A VAIN MISTAKE following a positively eulogistical response.....but they are Americans and don't read much. Except the bible.
I guessed that the mommy/mom bit would give me grief. I am not saving this one but if shaudenfreud is good enough for me it should be good enough for you. I'm just glad nobody else wrote it
If the vomitting has left you weak I might pin another one up tomorrow....... something on drowning kittens, maybe .
Thanks for your honesty you bastard
Best,
tectak