12-20-2012, 07:52 PM
I cannot help myself. You who made me what I am, should know.
You promised me that soon I’d be all right. Why did I listen to you?
The voice inside my head is my voice. My voice. My voice.
How fast do bullets go…..and how long before you are dead?
Answer me. I must know this. My voice says it will be quick. My voice.
But you are sleeping. Mom, can you hear me. Can you hear my voice
inside your head.
Inside your head you dream. I look at you and I can dream your dream.
It is dark in this room….in my head. I can only see memories. They are my memories.
I have the bullet in my hand and my memories in my head. Mine. Mine.
The bullet is warm…the warmth is comforting…I can share this with you.
You never shared with me. You never heard my voice. My voice.
Are you sleeping, mom. You stirred just then. Can you hear me now?
Hear me now.
This is still a dream. Why is the gun so heavy? I cannot hold it straight.
This is not your dream. You never dreamt that I would hold the gun. Is this my dream?
I feel the trigger move. It resists so I know that this is real. Real. Real.
If I let the trigger go…..I can pretend that you are dead…….pretend I am dead ,too.
We should not die together. You told me that you would leave, one day. Leave me.
Wake up, I want to see you leave me. I want to see you go.
You are awake.
The trigger moves alone. Along my arm, along the barrel…I can see two eyes.
The gun is listening. The voice in me is in the gun. The gun speaks for me. Three eyes.
Strange. I heard the gun. I have heard it before. It was different. Thud. Thud.
The feathers float and glide…look, look. Like snow. Our blood flows into your eyes.
I am going to leave you now. Goodbye. Yes, mom, I am going to school.
There are voices in my buddies. They never speak to me. I will make them hear.
I will never wake.
Tectak
2012
You promised me that soon I’d be all right. Why did I listen to you?
The voice inside my head is my voice. My voice. My voice.
How fast do bullets go…..and how long before you are dead?
Answer me. I must know this. My voice says it will be quick. My voice.
But you are sleeping. Mom, can you hear me. Can you hear my voice
inside your head.
Inside your head you dream. I look at you and I can dream your dream.
It is dark in this room….in my head. I can only see memories. They are my memories.
I have the bullet in my hand and my memories in my head. Mine. Mine.
The bullet is warm…the warmth is comforting…I can share this with you.
You never shared with me. You never heard my voice. My voice.
Are you sleeping, mom. You stirred just then. Can you hear me now?
Hear me now.
This is still a dream. Why is the gun so heavy? I cannot hold it straight.
This is not your dream. You never dreamt that I would hold the gun. Is this my dream?
I feel the trigger move. It resists so I know that this is real. Real. Real.
If I let the trigger go…..I can pretend that you are dead…….pretend I am dead ,too.
We should not die together. You told me that you would leave, one day. Leave me.
Wake up, I want to see you leave me. I want to see you go.
You are awake.
The trigger moves alone. Along my arm, along the barrel…I can see two eyes.
The gun is listening. The voice in me is in the gun. The gun speaks for me. Three eyes.
Strange. I heard the gun. I have heard it before. It was different. Thud. Thud.
The feathers float and glide…look, look. Like snow. Our blood flows into your eyes.
I am going to leave you now. Goodbye. Yes, mom, I am going to school.
There are voices in my buddies. They never speak to me. I will make them hear.
I will never wake.
Tectak
2012