12-20-2012, 06:05 PM
Hi,
just adding my voice of encouragment. Not really got anything to add beyond what Todd and Billy have said. I agree with Billy in particular that for me this would work a lot better if the lines were shorter and more ryhthmical and sing songy.
But nice to see your first effort and it shows that you have plenty of ideas that can be developed that will make you an interesting poet and writer. Well done on this.
(Also if this is the poem you are planning to engrave on your box....possibly gona need a bigger box!)
just adding my voice of encouragment. Not really got anything to add beyond what Todd and Billy have said. I agree with Billy in particular that for me this would work a lot better if the lines were shorter and more ryhthmical and sing songy.
But nice to see your first effort and it shows that you have plenty of ideas that can be developed that will make you an interesting poet and writer. Well done on this.
(Also if this is the poem you are planning to engrave on your box....possibly gona need a bigger box!)