Riddle

[billy]

just a general bit of feedback. riddle poems are okay and lot's of people enjoy them. the nest ones use a rhythm/meter and they often feel sing songy. my first is in.... but not in.... this riddle feels forced and because of that, it holds the reader in less of a grip. and example would be;

Collected by thousands over long distances, treasured and cherished by all,

Collected and cherished for all.

at present the lines in general don't catch the reader and pull them into the hive or the poem. in a way it's the difference between being beaten to death and enticed onto rocks with a beautiful voice. the poem is lacking the voice. make it sing to the reader and you'll see song.

all that said, a good effort. all first poems are good efforts. i think this is a definite stepping stone
thanks for the read.

This is my first poem, and it is a riddle to a mechanical locking device I designed on a blanket chest (I'm a woodworker). The answer is at the bottom if you can't figure it out.


Collected by thousands over long distances, treasured and cherished by all,
drooled on and slave to thousands more.
Fit for royalty, becoming chameleon through the seasons.
forced to transform in a prison cell, held under protection yet trampled upon.
Healer of wounds but triggering a fishhook of pain,
exposed to hives while lingering in the dark and the deep,
fear the ghost with the steel face that hides in light; dread the horror Borborygmus.
Subjected to the power of the black hole, emancipation merely exchanges one cage for another,
left imprisoned behind distorted sand, only to be sold into slavery again.
















Honey