Retaliate

[billy]

solid effort, if this is your first you'll soon get the hang of it
it's a bit to wordy in places, i know from experience that sonnets and other forms can have a preponderance of filler words, it's much easier to find one of those than use non filler words. the end rhymes are okay though first/worse is stretching the term rhyme a bit .
i think one of the problems is the meter.
if you use iambs you won't struggle with lines like
Tied up and gagged, because this is all planned;namely the this is all situation.
all tied up tight, strapped down and gagged as planned
which is okay but there's no real image there. and an image is often what the reader needs, so;
all turkey trussed, and apple-gagged as planned of course it can be said in lots of ways, but an image speaks a thousand words.

My first English sonnet, or attempt of at least.

Retaliate


I set the cleaver down, and shift my hand;
this butcher feels so heavy, that's just right.
Tied up and gagged, because this is all planned;
my blade of pain, oh please stay sharp all night.

From ages past, why did you torment me,
bulldoze right through me on a street of pain;
a broken arm and smashed up face you see,
because of you i may just be insane.

I know bone and muscles, inside and out;
my job demands it; im a surgeon sir,
I bulked up pal, protein and carbs no doubt,
Oh wait, did I forget to mention her?

Before this blade starts, i should tell you first,
your sister's pregnant; that is even worse.