Retaliate

[heslopian]

I set the cleaver down, and shift my hand; Is this comma needed?*
this butcher feels so heavy, that's just right.
Tied up and gagged, because this is all planned;
my blade of pain, oh please stay sharp all night.

From ages past, why did you torment me, Is this comma needed?
bulldoze right through me on a street of pain;
a broken arm and smashed up face you see,
because of you i may just be insane. "I"

I know bones? and muscles, inside and out; Is this comma needed?
my job demands it; im a surgeon, sir, "I'm"
I bulked up pal, protein and carbs no doubt,
Oh wait, did I forget to mention her?

Before this blade starts, i should tell you first, "I"
your sister's pregnant; that is even worse.

*I'm not the best critic on this site when it comes to technical forms, so you'll have to forgive me if my suggested comma removals impinge on your meter.

An excellent first sonnet, at least in terms of its readability and emotional punch. I enjoyed this. The last couplet is immensely moving and chilling. It's a really effective narrative, taking us on a journey from point A, where I pictured a gruff, balding butcher in a meat locker, to point Z, where I saw a sad, sophisticated surgeon poised with a scalpel over a dotted line. Thank you for the read