The Tear

[tectak]

here goes.
at first it seemed that the meter was out. but you use the odd beat in each verse in the same way and place. irrespective of that it does flow well. is this accentual verse. the abcbca rhyme scheme is constant, tall and falls i think just made it .

The winter sun had barely raised
above the dark moor parapet
when wounded quick, fell bleeding into sky.
In haste, o’er fallow fields, I set the image of you striding out feels to have purpose. i like it's strength
a wistful hope, that climbing high,
the certain death may be delayed. the idea that death can be delayed or held at bay is indeed wistful and hopeful, the sun is used well in conjunction with death.

From sodden sods a trail broke clear sodden sods feels a bit forced (like a partial stutter )
up to a coppered wood of beech,
Fraxinus, grey and ashen, lofting tall; tree lovers would hug you for this line
higher than the shade could reach, this is perhaps my favourite line.
on bright branch, sanguine light still falls;
then out of nowhere came a tear. i can relate to this line, i've been to funerals of loved ones and from laughing and joking etc the waterworks start without any thought for one's dignity or pride.

What thoughts upon me wet my eye?
This wooded copse, a winter eve;
the silence of the windless, frozen air?
Perhaps to sit and guiltless grieve
for all those lost, but still we care, i'd say I instead of we
and though we climb, like suns, we die. solid ending


Tectak
December 2012
( This is the last of the hearse-verse.....I am back on the scotch)

i enjoyed it, in parts it felt a little wordy but after a few reads i think a little wordy carried it to the final curtain. not at all sombre. what did enjoy was the input of nature into the thing, at the start i got a feeling of the Pennines. no nits as such. though i suspect you'll tear up every time you read it it's not bad as far as hearse verse goes

Thanks billy. The impudent tear comes on me in the presence of goodness.....as defined by me. Nature does it every time....that and solitude.
Re. ..for all those lost, but still we care... all I can say is if you say "I" and I say "I", surely that's "we".
I agree totally on "sodden sods" but it is a precise description right now. I originally tried "soaking sods", then "muddy sods" then almost gave up on "sods" completely in favour of "mudded mounds".....hmmmm. Reality is...sodden sods!