Behind a Different Door:

[tectak]

Mummy scares me...
She drinks lots of water;
after she stops falling over
it's time for cigarettes

"Milly" she calls
u
I'm frightened of hearing.
My name gives me dreams
of bloodied broom handles
and the smell of poo

I'm invisible sometimes
but sometimes not
when she sees me through the wood
and points a finger that says

"I know where you are"

I wee myself and start shaking

She can see me now
she's got the broom...

---

originated from this thread. changed holding in the last line to 'got'

Late on this one billy but I feel an overview coming on. It would be expected, perhaps, that I would look laterally at this piece, as you often do,but that would be to ignore the "issues". I may still be accused of avoiding the stark cameo that this piece presents but I am shocked that I am not shocked.....why should this be. Well, it is because this work is gratuitous rather than circuitous. It comes to its disturbing conclusion without any noticeable preamble and in spite of the comments of others "hearing" the voice of the child orator I do not think that the character has chance to developed enough before the horrendous reality is apparent. I believe that the use of the shock words ARE too gratuitous and that there is no time to build up a sense of threat or dread. I suppose that what I am saying is that the concept completely overwhelms the telling of the story.....and it IS a story. There is, to my mind, no poetic content in the piece.....and that's fine if you felt that the story HAD to be released at all costs.......but for me, this is a not uncommon use of the written form to get out a thought-train which the writer, you, may have found difficult to communicate in any other way. My only helpful suggestion would be to use this as the framework for a curse-verse and enjoy the writing rather than being satisfied with the message...in all its starkness.
Best (glad to be a
back)
tectak