12-18-2012, 06:16 AM
Wow, powerful poem Rowens.
I cant offer much critique, except from commenting that the second verse seems a little out of place to me. I can see how it gives the bartender more character but it just seems a little tacked on. Maybe it is just that it is presented as a stated fact rather than an observation like everything else is.
I really like how the sense of unspoken but tense resentment and racism is portrayed, and the last verse really punctuated that perfectly.
I cant offer much critique, except from commenting that the second verse seems a little out of place to me. I can see how it gives the bartender more character but it just seems a little tacked on. Maybe it is just that it is presented as a stated fact rather than an observation like everything else is.
I really like how the sense of unspoken but tense resentment and racism is portrayed, and the last verse really punctuated that perfectly.
If something happens and you can remedy it, Why worry?
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?
www.benjack.co.nz
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?
www.benjack.co.nz