The Promise

[Leanne]

Hi ellz! This is quite a pretty poem but there are a few things that could make it stronger. For starters, you don't need archaic language to make a poem "poetic", but if you do use it, it needs to be in context. "lo" means look! as in an expression of surprise ("will you look at that!). You could take that out and the poem would not be harmed in any way. The rhythm would also be strengthened.

Words like darkest, softest -- they're fairly bland adjectives that don't really say anything. Even "silken kisses" would be better than "softest kisses".

Having said that, I like the mood you create here and the emotion is well conveyed.