Temple

[billy]

Hello everyone!

After many years I was suddenly inspired to write poetry again. I don't claim to be trained in any way, though I'm familiar with critique and would appreciate any feedback available. I'm most interested in how the imagery is interpreted and if it evokes emotion. Thanks so much in advance and I'm looking forward to getting to know the community here.

I'm still unsure what to title this piece so I'd love any ideas on that as well.

Also, when previewing, my indents disappear. Is there a way to keep them that I might be missing?

click on edit and you should be able to see how i did it. i only did a few lines

Thank you!

First Edit - Untitled - 12.16.12

Our bed is the prayer rug where I found God.

Yeah, THE God

[ind]Not circumnavigating morality
[ind]Or bones of old saints
[ind]Lonely illusions of the sad and middle-aged
[ind]All Fat Tuesday freakshows in comparison

Our bed is the altar of sacred rites –

[ind]Marked with the devil’s big black Sharpie
[ind]And the intricately crocheted lace of sin is and needed?
[ind]Nightly baptized in warm, honey-coated nothing
[ind]Pink patterns of iron and salt on linen

[ind]Absolution pours through drafty windows draughty
[ind]Older than our bodies
[ind]Glass frosted by years without suds
[ind]Only rain

[ind]With your gentle pyro ways
[ind]Stone and mortar become flame
[ind]The balustrades collapse
[ind]You light candlewicks with your fingertips

i've been following your edits and i think you did an excellent job, the interaction between you and todd have culminated in a really good poem.
normally i'm not a fan of text formatting in a poem but this is one of those that work, so much so that i'd suggest an aside before each stanza. (just a suggestion, not even a nit i like all the lines because they were original and had meaning. they worked the poem and the reader. the last line, i knew a woman like that
thanks for the read and the work that you put into it.