Warriors for Jesus

[Todd]

Hi Jack,

This is pretty strong. I think you might be missing some opportunities though. Comments below:

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price." - 1 Corinthians 6:19-20--while I see this verse working with the last few lines of the poem. Ephesians 6 may be better with its talk of putting on the whole armor of God

As a child I wanted to be a warrior for Jesus.
My church gave us pamphlets on the covers of which
a boy and girl, each smiling, crossed swords,
light emerging from their tips--very nice set up
like that which dawned on Eden once.--beautiful line referring to the light of creation. The opportunity I want you to think about is when you return to the image later in the poem
But I looked at those swords and my veil of love
was stirred by darker thoughts. --maybe sliced instead

"What were swords designed to do?"
Relieve men of their guts.
"What does a warrior preach?"
Submission by the blade,--great line
violence, hatred and death,
young men slaughtered at the Somme,
families shot in Iraq.--this feels too recent for a young child's memory though you are younger than me. Either way slaughtered above works because its vague...shot doesn't imply sword and sort of gets away from the tension you're describing

With Jesus' heart I'd stride through the desert
murdering pagans and Jews, the light of Eden in my sword.--good first few lines. Here's my thought. When they were expelled from paradise there was a fiery (lighted) sword placed there to stop their return. Since you're already working with that allusion it would seem a shame to waste it. Just wanted to bring the option up.
I said it was just a metaphor, but symbols are passionless.
I couldn't feel the Holy Ghost moving in me;
my young heart was queer, my temple empty.--the last three lines are the strongest and a great close.

Enjoyed the read Jack.

Best,

Todd