bombing raid

[Jae Mc Donnell]

billy suggested that the 'heavy hearts' needed to be scraped... anyone eles agree?

first edit -

Close your eyes, Heavy heart yes I see where he is comming from with that. I would ask if you want to tell us you have a heavy heart or should you let the next few line express it ie(you list somethings then say not for me which gives this expession) so in a way you repeat yourself.
try again, still alive
White Voices.
Lost found. The choir sings
Rainbow lights, bright inside
red blue yellow green
Music. holly
Mistletoe?, not for me
Rape the hedge, right type
Long , hard paths
jolly Tornado. door open . slam!
too early man! Festive bomb
celebrate, swags ‘n’ bags Here I feel swag n bags would work better. Could be just me, it just seems to flow better
no drink till the night,

In the way, fanatic, clean
more gold Rough, rude,
Mother, Aga, cup of tea
Everything done?,
breathe.

All in all I like the poem. I get a real (oh yeah I know the feeling) so good job