The onset of winter

[billy]

Hi jae, it wasn't fighting, i was asked to keep feedback to the poem. and rightly so

Her slender figure stood beautiful against the cold dead grey
His vast presence loomed ever closer
She knew him
His other side so kind
Now a villain set to one end
He besieged her
Casting hope into silhouette
I told you did I not
His venomous lips spat
Frost bitten hands gripped her throat
I am your great castigator
A malignant instrument set from on high
Not even heaven can turn my chiding eye
I swear it now you will die
His murderous grasp tightened
Defiant she stood
Her hope seemed viscous
Even as his hold intensified
Draining air from life giving lungs
Knowing after death would come life
With elegant grace she gave up the fight
And the world watched on in silence to the death of a flower

it reverted to the original wordiness and then got a little bit wordier.
it doesn't compare to the version below which is much better, it could still be polished a bit more but for me it's the right direction to go.

The onset of winter

Her beauty, pale against the cold dead grey
His bitter expanse surrounded her
Setting hope in silhouette
I told you did I not
His venomous lips spit as he spoke
With frost bitten hands he gripped at her throat
I am your great castigator
A malignant instrument
Not even heaven can turn my chiding eye
I swear it now you will die
Slender, her beauty stood poised
Her hope seemed viscous
His grip tightened
Just seconds now
And the world watched on in silence to the death of a flower