Alone

[billy]

hi xx, thanks for leaving feedback elsewhere

Its the middle of December It's
The days are growing colder now
The night is wasting on and on
With nothing left to dream about
This bed feels like a coffin this is a good line that imparts a solid image.
In a vacant empty tomb vacant and empty are almost the same i'd remove one or change it.
I close my eyes and hear her voice
Echo through the room

I pull out our old pictures
And Let the storm begin another solid image and a good metaphor for crying it; let not Let.
The first streak stains
My ghostly cheek
And the pain rises within feels a bit cliche.

A song plays in the background
Her essence fills the air
A knot forms in my battered throat
My eyes a glassy stare
Windows to an empty soul eyes/windows/soul is a cliche that's oft used.
Filled with only suffering this line feels weak, i'd suggest removing it
From frozen lips depart
The saddest words I'll ever sing

The darkness creeps up all around
Crawling beneath my skin condense these two lines
Her face forms in the shadows
Then fades into the wind i'd end the poem here.

Fate has left me destined this last stanza brings the poem down to much, it feels very weak and lacks anything of substance.
To forever be alone
With no one there to save me
From this hell I call my own..

the poem has some good lines going on the coffin line is my fave. you have some excess in the poem that if trimmed would tighten it up. there's also a few cliche that could be replaced with something original or removed altogether. mainly you just need to do a bit of cosmetic stuff to make the poem stand...alone great to see your first poem

thanks for the read.