12-11-2012, 05:04 PM
Cheers for the comments!
needs re-expression by the sound of things.
)
Dart's wasn't in mind but I can totally see that now you point it out!
I think this needs rewriting from that impression
blade was supposed to be grass,
feathers tensely awaiting the wind to take flight.
no wind.
was trying to describe the gentle equipoise, yet subtle tension of concentration.
Will reword I think.
needs re-expression by the sound of things.
(12-11-2012, 04:01 PM)billy Wrote: are you playing darts?The seasonal word is "feathers" (apparently it is acceptable anyway. It's in my flatmate's official Haiku seasonal word book
should there be a seasonal word? as it is, it feels more of senryu.
i like how you tried to re say 'on a knife's edge"
)Dart's wasn't in mind but I can totally see that now you point it out!
I think this needs rewriting from that impression
blade was supposed to be grass,
feathers tensely awaiting the wind to take flight.
no wind.
was trying to describe the gentle equipoise, yet subtle tension of concentration.
Will reword I think.
If something happens and you can remedy it, Why worry?
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?
www.benjack.co.nz
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?
www.benjack.co.nz