12-11-2012, 01:00 PM
and usually looks better than &
i'm struggling with the connection to the connection of the comet and route 66. i don't think you need the in front of route 66 as it's iconic enough not to need it. at first i thought it was a villanelle. i see the connection of the tail from Kahoutek’s comet and kali's glare and the piece has an eastern feel to it, but i'd like some better transitional lines to explain where the images come from. the last 7 lines work really well, it's the preceding lines that feel slightly off balance.
sorry for the general feedback.
thanks for the read.
i'm struggling with the connection to the connection of the comet and route 66. i don't think you need the in front of route 66 as it's iconic enough not to need it. at first i thought it was a villanelle. i see the connection of the tail from Kahoutek’s comet and kali's glare and the piece has an eastern feel to it, but i'd like some better transitional lines to explain where the images come from. the last 7 lines work really well, it's the preceding lines that feel slightly off balance.
sorry for the general feedback.
thanks for the read.
(12-11-2012, 02:17 AM)pound526 Wrote: A perfect fit,
The Route 66
Whizzing by my eyes
& the Route 66
In my dreams!
A perfect fit.
It truly seemed
Like Brahman’s
Ether I was in,
It truly seemed
Like Brahman’s steam!
For instead of Kahoutek’s
Trail in the east
It was Kali’s eyes
In the pre-dawn
Splendor
Lighting up my senses
With their glare!