12-07-2012, 02:56 PM
(12-04-2012, 06:23 AM)penguin Wrote: Her arrows punctuate the globethe meter isn't bad, it's not iambic in a couple of places but it does the job of helping it flow. who or what is he and she?
from Colombia to Burma.
He’s undergone the trials of Job
and she’s overcome with fervour
which magnifies the darker side
he keeps behind lock and caution, would [the cautioned lock] help the meter?
finds prison cells unoccupied
by the sleep of his exhaustion.
She’s developing neuroses -
what extraordinary torture! -
in the swoop for scalps and trophies
and the struggle out of water;
from the flicker of the searchlight
and the bone breaking surrender
to the hunger of the termite
for the chamber they dismember.
She’s erected a confessional
with an ear for foreign language:
Amnesty International these last two lines feel a bit forced.
has aroused her sense of anguish.
the rhymes not too bad either
though language/anguish are a stretch and just pass as slant (i think) a great effort as far as form is concerned and there's lots to like about the content toothanks for the read.
