Behind a Different Door:

[billy]

I read this first last night and was blown away at its impact.
I think it's the naivety of the voice that stuck the hook in, the words were the painful twist.
great poem!

thanks for feedback.

---

Mummy scares me...
She drinks lots of water;
after she stops falling over - prefer "when" she stops falling over
it's time for cigarettes

"Milly" she calls

I'm frightened of hearing. - great line
My name gives me dreams
of blooded broom handles - bloodied?Perhaps you have it right
and the smell of poo

I'm invisible sometimes
but sometimes not
when she sees me through the wood
and points a finger that says

"I know where you are"

I wee myself and start shaking - "start shaking" is unconvincing for me

She can see me now
she's got the broom...

---

- maybe "and she's looking for the broom" gives a different kind of tension to the ending

originated from this thread. changed holding in the last line to 'got'

Good stuff.

thanks for the feedback penguin. will change blooded to bloodied. and think about what else you said.