12-04-2012, 06:56 AM
(12-01-2012, 06:24 PM)billy Wrote: Mummy scares me...Good stuff.
She drinks lots of water;
after she stops falling over - prefer "when" she stops falling over
it's time for cigarettes
"Milly" she calls
I'm frightened of hearing. - great line
My name gives me dreams
of blooded broom handles - bloodied?Perhaps you have it right
and the smell of poo
I'm invisible sometimes
but sometimes not
when she sees me through the wood
and points a finger that says
"I know where you are"
I wee myself and start shaking - "start shaking" is unconvincing for me
She can see me now
she's got the broom...
- maybe "and she's looking for the broom" gives a different kind of tension to the ending
originated from this thread. changed holding in the last line to 'got'
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.

