12-04-2012, 04:55 AM
Welcome!
You did a good job with this. The lines flowed really well together, but I really didn't get the sense of fear from this. I got the sense of bravery actually.
Also, why did you change from abab to aabcde in the last stanza? It's longer and you changed rhyme. It's just completely different from the rest of the poem.
I like the line "I see a man taking a steel stance" very strong line.
I've also noticed that you while writing this it seemed that you got more comfortable with it and not using "I see" like you were, you completely changed the narrative, which isn't bad, it just makes it interesting and made the line after "I see" seem stronger.
You did a good job with this. The lines flowed really well together, but I really didn't get the sense of fear from this. I got the sense of bravery actually.
Also, why did you change from abab to aabcde in the last stanza? It's longer and you changed rhyme. It's just completely different from the rest of the poem.
I like the line "I see a man taking a steel stance" very strong line.
I've also noticed that you while writing this it seemed that you got more comfortable with it and not using "I see" like you were, you completely changed the narrative, which isn't bad, it just makes it interesting and made the line after "I see" seem stronger.