12-02-2012, 07:49 AM
Welcome!
I like this, it has a quirkiness to it. I also haven't really read anything like this before, like a person whose telling a story about their old neighborhood to their kids or friends.
The one thing that kinda threw me off were all the "ands"
"and on Mr. Frank's side" and "and when Mr. Frank died
I think you can do without them
Is there a way where you can describe why the psychiatrist gave subtle chills? It's an interesting observation that needs more detail.
This was very original, I liked the reminiscing story-telling feel to it.
Thank you for the read.
I like this, it has a quirkiness to it. I also haven't really read anything like this before, like a person whose telling a story about their old neighborhood to their kids or friends.
The one thing that kinda threw me off were all the "ands"
"and on Mr. Frank's side" and "and when Mr. Frank died
I think you can do without them
Is there a way where you can describe why the psychiatrist gave subtle chills? It's an interesting observation that needs more detail.
This was very original, I liked the reminiscing story-telling feel to it.
Thank you for the read.