11-30-2012, 11:08 AM
(11-29-2012, 11:48 PM)penguin Wrote: The children flew I can see the kids excitment because its snowing but this doesnt work for me I would start with clouds ?only nit is first line, I dont feel it. the rest is great and you capture the essence of curtains drawn back to fresh fallen snow in seven delightful lines, thanks. TOMH
and snow-hush fell
upon stone
and by a morning great opening, captures the quiet of fresh snow
the soft tattoo
of feet on felt Great words I can hear the snowy squeak
froze
pitter-patter meaning.
He bends and forges interesting contrast of hot metal work
replicas
in remembrance
of past faces. I would be lost without the title but thats me
Shovels, brushes,
signatures;
dismembered
masterpieces. nice ending the carnage of such creativity and toil
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out