11-30-2012, 07:41 AM
Gotta love friends, I have a few like that too. I can write the whole roses are red, violets are blue and they'll think I'm a genius.
I'm thinking this is about one person wanting more while the other just wants to get laid.
If I'm wrong it's only because my mind stays in the gutter.
I like how you ended the poem using some of the lines from the first stanza , nice touch. I tend to do that and sometimes it's a hit and miss but I think it works here.
I'm just having a hard time making a connection with "red brimmed" only because I don't know what you're trying to say.
It feels more like a list, while I like your word choice because it's a unique approach, but I think it would be more of something with more description.
I definitely like how you begin it, almost like it was taken from in the middle of a conversation.
I like reading this.
I'm thinking this is about one person wanting more while the other just wants to get laid.
If I'm wrong it's only because my mind stays in the gutter.
I like how you ended the poem using some of the lines from the first stanza , nice touch. I tend to do that and sometimes it's a hit and miss but I think it works here.
I'm just having a hard time making a connection with "red brimmed" only because I don't know what you're trying to say.
It feels more like a list, while I like your word choice because it's a unique approach, but I think it would be more of something with more description.
I definitely like how you begin it, almost like it was taken from in the middle of a conversation.
I like reading this.