Ionan Seas (or how to put a overpriced guide book to good use)

[penguin]

I like the 3rd verse a lot and the Nike thing is clever.

How great this burden
How cruel the Gods mock
To be born beneath the immortal ones
Smited by consequences of mortality - don't like this line. Is smited a word? "yet smitten by mortality" - same meaning?

Gently rocking upon Posiedens blue - Poseidon's
Ever watched by Olympian eyes
Blighting my sight with such kaleidoscopic vistas - don't need such
Breaking my soul as glass upon the rocks

Shards of me sink, into Ionan seas - lovely line, no comma needed
For I have been cursed with, the perfect day - likewise
None shall be like this no more
To fade into a tomorrows memory - "but fade"?

No painting no picture will recapture
The sights an sounds entwined with emotions - maybe bound rather than entwined
Feelings of completeness, almost oneness
As calm as Ionan hues

A tear falls as salted as the deep
Lost forever, as this moments death
1000 years I could live, but never again today
Blissfully uncaring, drifting on Ionan seas

Zeus has held me high like Nike
Hermes stilled my spirit, as these tranquil waters
Cursed be this perfect day
For the morrow I shall return to the arms of Ares

Finite me clings to this earthly heaven seen
Waves of passion felt so intimatley, I could touch
The sadness in the knowledge
Dawn they shall be gone, as Loggerheads on the tides

To live this moment forever - I'd put "To live forever in this moment"
Would the beauty eventually fade ? And I'd swap round fade and diminished
Eroded rainbows, with colour diminished
Tis then that I'll know
Is my time to die

There's several lines that are too long for my liking but it's a nice poem, enjoyed.