Ionan Seas (or how to put a overpriced guide book to good use)

[Todd]

cheers Todd ..tho i got some questions before i start reworkin this

1 if i got rid of "the immortal ones" line would i need to add a line cos is all 4 line stanzas ?--to be born beneath would be the line. I'm just suggesting cutting that one phrase

2 me idea of "a tomorrow" instead of just "tomorrow" wos to kinda emphasize crappy days full of crappy memories an not just that 1 day ? am thinking if you didnt see it , it didnt work huh --this is where punctuation would help. You can keep it the way you want just make it tomorrow's

3 "The sights an sounds entwined with emotions--I would consider cutting with emotions and let the next line simply demonstrate those feelings
Feelings of completeness, almost oneness--Consider cutting feelings of" i think you saying i repeat meself ? but not sure how the point am trying to make would work if i cut both 'emotions' and 'feelings' ?--I think it would work, but if in the end you don't than keep one of the phrases

4 wot does "a bit telly" mean ?--I don't recall saying that, but what that means is that you are telling the reader something rather than showing them with imagery. Example: Bob is angry (tely) Bob punched the wall until blood mixed with drywall (less tely)

thanks --you're welcome. I like the work you did on this one.

billy ..am well happy with that ..spesh since has cost me a fortune in paper an many hours staring at blank pages

reading other peoples stuff (even if mostly not understood) has helped loads tbh..dunno if am doing this the right way but am thinking if i can find a style i can get comfy with, then i can then learn some rules ...an then break them knowingly....err i think