Ionan Seas (or how to put a overpriced guide book to good use)

[billy]

cheers Todd ..tho i got some questions before i start reworkin this

1 if i got rid of "the immortal ones" line would i need to add a line cos is all 4 line stanzas ?

2 me idea of "a tomorrow" instead of just "tomorrow" wos to kinda emphasize crappy days full of crappy memories an not just that 1 day ? am thinking if you didnt see it , it didnt work huh

3 "The sights an sounds entwined with emotions--I would consider cutting with emotions and let the next line simply demonstrate those feelings
Feelings of completeness, almost oneness--Consider cutting feelings of" i think you saying i repeat meself ? but not sure how the point am trying to make would work if i cut both 'emotions' and 'feelings' ?

4 wot does "a bit telly" mean ?

thanks

billy ..am well happy with that ..spesh since has cost me a fortune in paper an many hours staring at blank pages

reading other peoples stuff (even if mostly not understood) has helped loads tbh..dunno if am doing this the right way but am thinking if i can find a style i can get comfy with, then i can then learn some rules ...an then break them knowingly....err i think

i think you already have a style, but even then it's okay to right outside one's style. the attitude is right though and that's the thing,

being telly is basically just telling us verbatim what's going on. i went to the park, i saw a dog, it bit me, i went to the hospital, the gave me medicine.

in the park i saw a dog with the fangs of a sabre toothed tiger. vicious bastard almost tore my arm off. the hospital patched me up quilt-like, now i've a gnarly arm that Frankenstein's monster would be proud of.


i think