11-28-2012, 07:18 AM
i'd basically go with todd on almost all he says but i'll add, this is a big deviation for you. and the smalls things aside, it's an extremely well thought out poem. there are so many things that shine;
Zeus has held me high like Nike
many will not know that Nike is a greek goddess. but it doesn't matter cos it works with the sports shoe as well.
A tear falls as salted as the deep
tell me, isn't that a better way of saying it than "salty tears"? of course it is and it also shows that the most common of things can be said in a new way. well done. with a little work this would be a very publishable piece of poetry.
thanks for the read.
Zeus has held me high like Nike
many will not know that Nike is a greek goddess. but it doesn't matter cos it works with the sports shoe as well.
A tear falls as salted as the deep
tell me, isn't that a better way of saying it than "salty tears"? of course it is and it also shows that the most common of things can be said in a new way. well done. with a little work this would be a very publishable piece of poetry.
thanks for the read.