11-28-2012, 03:08 AM
Hi Blogsworth,
Overall an amusing narrative, and nothing too taxing in there to make me spend ages trying to work out what the hell the poem is about. So often I just don't get it...not this time though, your poem did what it said on the tin. Although this is where my first small observation is brought in. You seam to have two titles. I'm assuming that the short walk is actually an author's note, rather than part of the title, but I was not completely sure on this.
As a whole your poem had a nice cadence and throughout you made good use of rhyme and alliteration, however it felt like the metre was off in a couple of places. (A few of the extra words could perhaps be edited to improve this)
For me the biggest glitch was that of punctuation. Most of my reading stumbles arose from either what felt like missing commas, or random placement of commas….but that might just be me. ( I did read it through several times and out aloud, each time with the same problems manifesting).
Visually it looked like a big block of text to have as one piece and I would have liked it better, even if it was only broken down in half.
This all said it was generally a nicely put together poem and the jog along tone suited the subject well
Thank you for posting this. I enjoyed reading your work.
Overall an amusing narrative, and nothing too taxing in there to make me spend ages trying to work out what the hell the poem is about. So often I just don't get it...not this time though, your poem did what it said on the tin. Although this is where my first small observation is brought in. You seam to have two titles. I'm assuming that the short walk is actually an author's note, rather than part of the title, but I was not completely sure on this.
As a whole your poem had a nice cadence and throughout you made good use of rhyme and alliteration, however it felt like the metre was off in a couple of places. (A few of the extra words could perhaps be edited to improve this)
For me the biggest glitch was that of punctuation. Most of my reading stumbles arose from either what felt like missing commas, or random placement of commas….but that might just be me. ( I did read it through several times and out aloud, each time with the same problems manifesting).
Visually it looked like a big block of text to have as one piece and I would have liked it better, even if it was only broken down in half.
This all said it was generally a nicely put together poem and the jog along tone suited the subject well
Thank you for posting this. I enjoyed reading your work.