Smoggy Sunrise Over Tower Blocks

[addy]

I thought this was beautiful. That opening line was extremely sad but very balanced, not at all overdone. Like the industrial vibe of the language. I actually thought the final line ("It seemed to fill a need") was a nicely done albeit painful bookender, echoing the bleak undercurrent of the first line. Very effective, and very open to lots of neat interpretation.

I think I saw the sun today; a peek
as carbon clouds redacted rays
not hidden by the concrete fence
pointedly protruding through. I think "pointedly protruding through" is quite a mouthful, given how long the sentence has gone already. "protruding through" sounds fine to me The black
of the horizon. Nothing showed; Hmm, there are lots of ways to adjust the phrasing to this. Like "... protruding through. Against the black // of the horizon, nothing showed; // a glow, a ruddy, bloody, sombre show.//". Somthing like that
a glow, a ruddy, bloody sombre show.
My partner took her photograph and smiled
I lied, agreed that yes indeed, how right she was,
the sight of light in such a way
displayed was beautiful. It seemed
to fill a need.