Dawn's Amethyst Sky

[billy]

Hi atehequa.
after a couple of passes i saw a bit of wordiness in some parts. i enjoyed how the 4th stanza threw me, i wasn't expecting such a shift from nature to poet. it felt a little forced and weak at the end of the last stanza. and the repetitious last line didn't help. a few clichés but overall the poem had a feeling of age to it that come from natural story telling. i do think it needs an edit.

thanks for the read.

Gazing up at dawn’s amethyst sky
In time it will turn into a pale grey
Before the rising sun’s golden glow
And another day I will come to know
Fading slowly into evening’s dusky gloom the 1st stanza feels very intimate. and it's meekness make it feel powerful.

Many winding miles away from it all
My strength and clarity slowly returning is 'ing' needed?
Allowing me to make it through the day
Strange how it returns when I am away
A sign in itself to be well heeded

Sitting in a small shadowy glade
The serenity is like a lover’s embrace
Gazing up at dawn’s amethyst sky not sure the repetition works enough to keep it. sadly i have nothing else to suggest as to how it could be altered.
Ever soothingly pleasant to the eye
The best part of my weekend day

I would rather be writing a love poem
Or describing endless highland vistas
Thoughts moving my pen across the page
Words of wandering in an uncertain age
Pen upon paper, soothing to my mind i like the feel that this stanza evokes, it's a pleasurable ramble

Night’s darkness shall find me again
Hours and miles from dawn’s amethyst sky again it doesn't work as well as it should.
Penning poems of dark uncertain times
Soothing my soul through these rhymes
Awaiting the possibilities of another morning