Smoggy Sunrise Over Tower Blocks

[Todd]

Hi Billy,

Here are some comments for you:

I think I saw the sun today; a peek--great first line
as carbon clouds redacted rays--nice concrete imagery. You may be able to cut the as. While redacted is a word, I think you mean refracted.
not hidden by the concrete fence
pointedly protruding through. The black--not liking the adverb here. Also, you should cut the period after through
of the horizon. Nothing showed;--I liked the black of the horizon. I'm not sure what Nothing showed does for you.
a glow, a ruddy, bloody sombre show.
My partner took her photograph and smiled
I lied, agreed that yes indeed, how right she was,
the sight of light in such a way--I like the phrasing of these last four lines
displayed was beautiful. It seemed
to fill a need.--if it were me Billy, and it could just be me, I'd end the poem on beautiful.

I liked it Billy. I hope the comments are helpful to you.

Best,

Todd