11-26-2012, 01:44 AM
"As the embers of hate being fueled, as it set ablaze the walls of the two opposing sides
Those who are caught up in between end up no one left to confide
As the bomb of rage falls, as the conflict leave bodies to sleep forever
Even if the innocent's eyes turn blank, neither one of them choose to surrender"
This part could be looked at more closely. I hear people talk like that all the time. But it doesn't seem like the dialect you're going for in the poem.
Those who are caught up in between end up no one left to confide
As the bomb of rage falls, as the conflict leave bodies to sleep forever
Even if the innocent's eyes turn blank, neither one of them choose to surrender"
This part could be looked at more closely. I hear people talk like that all the time. But it doesn't seem like the dialect you're going for in the poem.